During summer break, we love to fantasize about a getaway to a nice tropical island far away from summer homework, our Shmoop SAT flashcards, and our younger siblings for whom we have to wake up at an ungodly hour to drive to summer camp. A tropical vacay sounds like a sweet deal, Shmoopers, but depending on the company it could turn sour really fast. Here’s a list of the people we definitely would not want to be stuck on a desert island with.
1. Jack, Lord of the Flies
We don’t know about you, but we like our guts and want to keep them inside of our bodies. That means not having spears thrown at us by an English boy wearing face paint.
2. Macbeth, Macbeth
What’s even scarier than getting spears thrown at you by a schoolboy wearing face paint? A storied war hero who believes in some witchy mumbo jumbo and proceeds to hire murderers to assassinate you so he can control the hypothetical island. Gulp.
Too much testosterone, too little square footage.
4. Queen of Hearts, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass
Because (1) we don’t know how long we would be willing to play croquet with flamingos for and (2) we don’t want to have to deal with the consequences once we find out.
5. Elwin Lepellier, A Separate Peace
The thought of PTSD-having Leper jumping out at us from the jungle on island with mud all over his face is enough to give us nightmares for weeks…or maybe our own PTSD.
6. Daisy Buchanan, The Great Gatsby
Things we don’t want to deal with:
Daisy’s inability to make a decision
Daisy’s issues with getting her white dresses dirty (and not just in the metaphorical way)
Her husband’s rage if we looked at her the wrong way (It was an eyeroll, we swear!)
How about you, Shmoopers? Who’s on your I’d-rather-share-a-tiny-boat-with-a-tiger-and-take-my-chances-than-stay-here-on-this-island list?
Stay tuned for our list of the BEST island companions.