8 New Year’s Resolutions that Would Have Changed Everything

Happy 2015, Shmoopers!

It’s only been a week, and we’re already feeling the pressure of our New Year’s resolutions. So instead of dwelling on our very real and very hard-to-stick-to goals for 2015, we’ve decided to travel to the world of the imaginary.

We’ve come up with a list of New Year’s resolutions that some of our favorite literary characters probably should have made. Sure, these resolutions would have changed the endings…but the stories would’ve been a lot less bleak.

8 New Year’s Resolutions that
Would Have Changed Everything


1. J. Alfred Prufrock
“This year, I resolve to suck it up and just eat the peach.”

2. Winston Smith
“This is the year I conquer my fear of rats.”

3. Captain Ahab
“I vow to get past that whole white whale hang-up I have.”

4. Ethan Frome
“This is the year I move to California.”

5. Meursault 
Cette année: no shooting people on the beach.”

6. Jay Gatsby
“I’ve spent way too many years hung up on Daisy. It’s time to move on.”

7. Winnie-the-Pooh
“Oh bother. I guess this year I’ll try not to stick my head in so many small spaces.”

8. Victor Frankenstein
“This is the year I put aside my passion for science and read a few books instead.”

Can you think of other New Year’s resolutions that would have changed everything? Share them with us on Facebook or Twitter with the hashtag #ShmoopYear.


Quote of the Week

“Some show a smile and some a frown;
Some joy and hope, some pain and woe:
Enough! Oh, ring the curtain down!
Old weary year! it’s time to go.”

~ Robert Service, The Passing of the Year

New resolution: read more poetry.

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