The Olympics are officially in full swing, which means we’ll be glued to our televisions—or our Kindles?—for the next two weeks. What can we say? We love us some Bob Costas. Sure, Rio hasn’t been the most, uh, idyllic setting so far. But since we like to keep the glass half full, we’ve come up with a list of fictional places that would have been even worse than Rio for this year’s games.
7 Fictional Places We Hope
Never Host the Olympics
1. The Temple of Doom
Unless fedoras were part of the new U.S. Olympic team outfit—and they came with the physique and dashing smile of a young Harrison Ford—we’re pretty sure no one would make it out alive. Plus, people kinda need their hearts to play sports. Or so we hear.
2. Jurassic Park
Sure, he was in the Olympus neighborhood, but there were a few too many mishaps along the way for our liking. Imagine how many athletes would get distracted by those Sirens. Or what Circe might turn the U.S. gymnastics team into. And we definitely wouldn’t want to run into a Cyclops on our way to the Olympic Village—let alone a whole gaggle of ’em. All in all, not a pretty image.
5. Someone Else’s Dreams
6. Dante’s Inferno
7. Brave New World‘s London
Doping is already enough of a problem. Add soma to the mix and basically every competitor would be disqualified. Or not, depending on how the ruling went.
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Quote of the Week
“You’ve got to put your body on the line. Remember our motto: If you want to be the best, you’ve got to take out the best.”